Loving someone you shouldn’t
What happens when your head and your heart doesn’t align?
My heart was naturally drawn to him like a strong magnet, but my mind was hostile to the idea of us being together. I know that it wouldn’t do me any justice and by being together with him, breaking my heart would be as easy as tearing a piece of paper. I knew I was risking my heart getting broken by being with him.
I could feel every cells on my body screaming at me and my very instincts telling me that “This is so wrong” while my heart succumbed to the feeling of that temporary bliss and euphoria when I was with him. While being in a relationship with him, I often feel the highest highs and the lowest lows. I could so easily forget about the entire world and the existing problem and red flags in him when I was with him. I was so carried away by the affection, compassion, and love for this specific person that would sweep my feet off the ground like no man has. I would go over and beyond for him, swim across the ocean for him, fight for him, and do whatever I could to be with him and feel his love being reciprocated for me. I knew that if he must choose to sacrifice one thing in his life, I would be the first he choose to sacrifice, without a doubt. I knew that in his heart, everything else comes before me and it was proven again and again by his very actions.
Action always speaks louder than words. From a person’s action, you can tell if he/she loves you the way you deserved.
Sadly, I knew deep down he wouldn’t do the same and he wouldn’t value and cherish me like how I deserved it. I still couldn’t understand.. “Why him?” when he don’t value or cherish me through his actions.
If only it was so easy to walk away from someone you shouldn’t even love or be together with.
When you love someone you shouldn’t, you know you shouldn’t stay with that person for the sake of not getting hurt and for your own peace of mind. Being with the one you love but shouldn’t be together would only mean two things:
Tears, and Pain.
Telling myself that I shouldn’t waste another second of my life with someone who would caused so much instability, insecurities, and pain in my life isn’t a solution either. I would beat myself up countless of times for failing to leave, or to just get up and go when I know I deserved better and I can do better than this.
Forgive yourself
When you love someone, even if they have done you wrong a million times, you would forgive them a million times. Loving someone means you will always have a soft spot for them. But we often forgotten to forgive ourselves for loving someone especially if that someone is someone we shouldn’t love.
Nobody said that we could control the heart
Because of that, it’s okay to love someone we shouldn’t. In fact, it is a beautiful thing to love someone to that extent and when we finally learnt that we could actually love someone that much. We could learn to Appreciate ourselves for having that Capacity to love the other person. It is important to acknowledge our feeling of hurt and abandonment. It is only natural to feel that way when we love someone we shouldn’t.
Even if you fail to leave that person for good or you kept finding yourself running back…Forgive Yourself.
When being with the other person couldn’t give us a peace of mind, find your peace of mind else where
Leaving, is ofcourse the best way out, it is indeed the best course of action to gain a complete peace of mind. But nobody said that it is easy. Even if we accepted that the person couldn’t love us the way we deserved to be loved, a lot of us still couldn’t bring ourselves to just pull that trigger to leave.
If you couldn’t leave, do whatever you can to find your peace of mind. It is easier said than done, but keep trying. Find where your happiness and peace lies and pursue that. Though your peace of mind wouldn’t feel whole, but when you do try to find your peace of mind else where, you are already stronger than you think.
Let the relationship run its course
We couldn’t force our feeling of love or a relationship to end when our hearts still love the other person. Even if we happen to see ourselves still in a relationship with someone we shouldn’t love, allow the relationship to run its course. Because remember, this will not last forever.
Although you may feel you are not as strong right now, or you see yourself so feeble and weak, one day you will realized that you made it out of the connection you have with this person. Let the relationship run its course naturally.
In due time, even though you may still love this person, you will see yourself out of the loop with this person and you will be stronger and feel better.
We don’t choose who we love, we simply live with it and let the relationship run its course.
Just remember to Brace yourself and don’t ever forget to Love yourself.
By the end of the day, do thank yourself for being able to love, and if possible, thank the universe for this experience that you could learn from because all of it teaches you about yourself, your strength, and the magnificent love that you are capable of showing and giving.
